Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
