sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
