Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
