I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
