I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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