I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
