she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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