Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
