he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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