Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
