i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
