"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
