I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You smell like stripper and shame
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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