dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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