I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
