all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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