you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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