You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
