From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
