Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
