i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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