some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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