Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
