How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
