just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
