We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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