Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
