By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
