Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
