Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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