I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
