i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
