So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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