Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
