thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
