I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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