This girl is more easily done than said...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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