I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
