Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My ass is underappreciated
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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