is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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