You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
