oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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