is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
