Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
