she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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