I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
