evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
