Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
