what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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