I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
